What’s your business philosophy?

Give the customer more than what they paid for. If I make you look good, then I look good.

What is your pricing?

That really depends on what service you want and how time intensive the project is.

No seriously, how much do you charge for things?

No seriously, it depends on what you need and want.

Do you accept every job?

Nope. I assess each job as they come to determine if I can complete it by the required due date. The current workload determines how much time I have available to complete design jobs and I don't want to commit to a project if I don't think it will be able to be finished by the due date. If this is the case I'll recommend you to one of several other designers or local businesses, if you're from the Springfield, Illinois area, that can most likely help you with your project.

Can I stop by at any time to talk about a project?

No, but you can schedule an appointment via the contact form and we can talk then.

Can I call you at any time to talk about my project?

No, but you can send me an e-mail about it.

Why don’t you list an address for your business?

Because I do this when I’m not at my day job and they wouldn’t appreciate people stopping by to talk to me about things that aren’t directly related to my work for them.

Since you don't do design for monkeylogic design full time, does that mean you're not a good designer?

Quite the contrary. If you take a look at the gallery and you like what you see then that means you believe I'm a good designer and I should do some design work for you.

Why haven’t you responded to the e-mail I sent you three minutes ago?

Because you just sent it to me three minutes ago and I don't constantly monitor my e-mail all day long.

What software applications do you use?

I’m always using the latest Adobe Creative Cloud applications.

Do you use a PC or a Mac?

I use a PC.

Doesn't using a PC mean that you aren't a very good designer?

No, it doesn't. Who told you that the platform had anything to do with good design?

Can I have the fonts Comic Sans, Papyrus, CurlzMT or DomCasual used in my design work?

No.

If I ask nicely, would you use the fonts mentioned above?

No.

Can I offer you extra money to use those fonts?

No.

What if I have a really good reason to use those fonts?

If you need something that looks like a comic book then I’ll consider using Comic Sans, something that looks like old parchment I’ll consider using Papyrus or something that needs a quirky and whimsical font I’ll consider using CurlzMT.

What’s your mascot’s name?

Mortimer.

Do you do any printing or bindery work?

No.

If you don’t do printing how do I get my project?

Before I start work on your project I can recommend a few local service providers that will be more than happy to manufacture your project for you.

What if I'm from a different town and I need you to do some work for me?

I'll still do the work but you'll still have to locate a printer.

What will it cost to have the printing and bindery work done?

For those costs you’ll have to talk to the company doing that aspect of the work. I’m just doing your design work.

If I mention your name, will I get a discount from them?

It’s very doubtful.

Are you for real?

As far as I’m aware I am. There really isn’t a reliable way to know if we’re just a computer simulation, like in the Matrix or the Thirteenth Floor, so until then I’m going to go with “yes, I’m for real.”

Wait, that’s not what I meant. You know that, right?

In the words of Han Solo, “I know.”

Why do so many of these questions have silly answers?

I can’t think of a reason why they shouldn’t.

Aren’t you afraid of people not taking you seriously?

Not really. =^ )

Do you have a Facebook page?

Why certainly.

Can I have the address?

Yes. Yes you can.

Ok, smart guy. What’s the address of your Facebook page?

https://www.facebook.com/MonkeylogicDesign

Do you know any good recipes for chocolate chip cookies?

Sorry, but I don’t. I think Nestle Toll House may have one though from what I've heard.

This is the weirdest FAQs page I’ve ever read.

That’s not a question.